This Is Why I Do It
I have a confession to share: This working from home gig is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. It’s not that the work itself is harder than I had imagined. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I haven’t been disappointed by the immense challenge and steep learning curve of being a new medical transcriptionist. It’s very hard some days, but I love it. It’s the physical toll I wasn’t expecting. My friends, I’m getting very little sleep these days. There are moments when I'm so tired I just don’t know how I’m going to put one foot in front of the other to keep going. Moreover, my days are so tightly scheduled between working 48+ hours and caring for Lily that I have no time whatsoever for myself (nevermind all the other things that aren't getting done around the house). Utterly exhausted, I find my mind mulling over the situation, wondering if I made the right choice.
But every time I imagine the alternative—a tedious all-day office job with Lily in daycare full time—I’m convinced that no matter how hard it is, it’s all worth it. I get weepy when I think about all the delicious little moments I would miss. Our long, lazy morning walks around town, the tiny rocks and brilliant fall leaves she stops to show me along the way, her excitement over running across a favorite friend at the playground, our late afternoon cooking (read: pot-banging, mess-making) sessions in the kitchen, and the list goes on. I’m just so grateful for this time we have together. We have so much fun, and my heart is made whole by being able to be Lily’s mama in this way.
And so, I persist. Sleep, after all, is for wimps.
Labels: mommy
posted by Amy at 12:38 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Amy,
I understand. One of the hardest things about doing what we do is that it seems we never leave it. It is always there, waiting for us, as we go about our lives. It is difficult to carve out a life separate from MT when it permeates our lives like it does. I think, though, it comes in time.
And whether they are 3 or almost 16, like mine, you will know that every sacrifice and lost minute of sleep will have been worth it. When your daughter gets to be a teenager and is still talking to you, dare I say even seeking your advice, you will know you made the right decision, because there is no other you to her. No one can take your place or be you but you.
So, hang in there. I promise it will get better, it will get more balanced. You will find creative ways to find the time you need, and as you continue to get more adept at what you do, you will not feel so drained at the end of the day. I promise that will get better too.
Of course, then again, some stuff will just never get done the same way, but it probably would not have anyway if you were working outside your home, right? It's the tradeoff we make for being there for our girls. I know you know. We make decisions every day on where our precious time is most wisely spent.
When we look back I doubt we will say, "I wish I had kept the house better. I should never have taken those walks of discovery instead."
I wish I had discovered medical transcription when my daughter was young like Lily, but I am thankful every day that I found it regardless and can be there for my daughter when she really needs me.
By the way, I love your blog. You have done a beautiful job of showcasing your daughter and your lives together. I check in often to see how Lily is blooming these days.
Mo, I'm so pleased to see you here! Your comment brought tears to my eyes. It IS all worth it, isn't it?! As hard as it is somedays (and, gods, it can be hard), I wouldn't go back. Not for anything.
So, how is your new account treating you? It must be a little bit like starting all over *sigh*. Here's wishing you all the best:)
Fondly,
A
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